I named her bitch when she demonstrated a propensity to hump my leg like a dog. That night I often saw her drifting in and out of conscious thought, and as we lay in bed she rhythmically straddled my leg while I choked her and I watched a smile play across her lips as her breathing hoarsened. She continuously rubbed her closely shorn pubis against my large thigh and I knew that she was free to be what she always dreamed she could be. Possessed. Owned. Dragged into the depths of her darkest fantasies, the underworld of our being. Most people never live at all and those who do rarely live a life such as this. Watching a woman fade away and become the truth will shock and frighten the uninitiated, but for me it comes naturally. Having lived enough to know that darkness lurks inside us all, I see that there are things which sometimes cannot be shown to the world and revel in facilitating the release of that energy. In fact, I have seen the attendant purge of emotion be the most truthful moment of a young woman’s life.
I fucked her with my digits for twenty minutes as she whimpered, convulsing as though her body was on a string held by my fingertips. I opened her vulva and thumbed her asshole, which provoked her to move her wrist back in a wan attempt to convince me not to invade that orifice. I used my other hand to grasp her slender wrist and held it to her haunch, then as I fingerfucked her harder she stroked the back of my hand and begged more loudly. Her hips bucked, and she knew that she belonged to Me. My fingers caressed every millimeter of her cunt and I imagined her holding my cock deep inside her body as I stroked her cervix with three fingers. She came repeatedly as I looked down at her reddened ass and slender waist, and her flesh was unadorned save for the marks I had given her.
She rocked in concert with my fingers, and her juices coated our flesh. When I led her by her throat or hair she was lost in a dream like state and when I slapped her she was transported from this world and no longer existed in her physical form. The darkness had consumed her so thoroughly that afterwards when I pissed on her she was spent, her wide eyes smiling up at me as she held her hair in a bun. she was now free.
For me the point of a spanking is usually not punishment. It certainly can be used as such if I’ve been disappointed, however the ultimate aim of a spanking is to further the process of submission. It is to see a woman step outside of herself and accept the fact that she enjoys what I choose to do to her. In fact, for most women the emotional connection we share during a spanking is stronger than almost any other interaction they’ve had with a man. The intimacy involved can be frightening and unsettling because it forces the exploration of a piece of themselves never before unleashed.
I recall the spanking I gave a visiting stewardess. She wanted to be spanked for the first time in 10 years- an ex boyfriend had spanked her in her twenties and she again craved the release. She didn’t want to have sex- I could touch and spank her but sex was not a part of our agreement. I agreed to proceed because I wanted to attempt to separate the traditional part of my sexual being from the act of giving a spanking. We met in the lobby of her hotel- this night inspired the account entitled Stand Up which is posted on the blog. I liked her because I recognized she was used to being in control of her everyday life. She was not a wallflower or a woman of ill-repute. Rather, she had some kinky impulses she needed to indulge in a safe, anonymous way. I provided the outlet she needed. When we returned to her hotel room and I entered her with my fingers, her entire being shifted. I felt her soften further under my touch, which happens during the seduction of any new partner. With D/s the process of seduction and shifting of dynamics is clearly more pronounced. Both parties feel the shift more dramatically. A woman’s senses become heightened because she is not merely allowing a man to enter her- she is relinquishing control of her body and her actions, if only for a defined period of time. Therefore her expectations of the encounter are raised. She expects the man who controls her to be worthy and skilled- otherwise she would manage her own sexual satisfaction.
In this case, I entered her with my fingers. I fucked her with them and held her body down over me as she writhed. I then placed my lubricated thumb at her asshole and again the tenor of her body changed. She tensed and moaned but did not stop me or utter a word as I slowly pressed inside of her and filled both of her orifices with my digits. As she writhed I talked to her about how dirty and naughty she was being. At one point I said “You are being a good girl giving this to me.” To which she replied viscerally “I’m not giving… you are taking it!” Not long afterwards she came with a tremendously violent shake. She heaved over me and convulsed around my fingers then lay sprawled across my lap, spent.
The most interesting part of our encounter closely followed her orgasm. No more than two minutes after she had cum so violently- after she had told me what an amazing experience she’d had and how happy she was to have met me- she reverted back to her public face. It had become too intimate for her to continue being submissive to me even as she stood naked before me and had obeyed me completely not 10 minutes before. She had indulged her kink and already locked it away for future fantasy. Then she told me that nothing had ever been inside her ass. I’m sure many men had attempted to touch her there and pleaded with her in the hopes she would allow them to fuck her there but she had always turned them down. It was only when I’d made it clear that I could handle her body competently that she acceded to my penetrations.
That is the allure of submission and of over-the-knee spanking. It is a ritual which contains its own rules and mores. Normally I use spankings as the introduction of submission to a new kinky relationship/arrangement. I strip a woman naked, inspect and fondle her, then place her over my lap and spank her to formally establish Dominance. I normally give a woman multiple orgasms during and after a spanking and customarily it is only after I’ve spanked a woman that I will allow her to undress and touch me. Before I’ve finished I am continuing to establish the bond and trust between myself and a new partner. I am proving that I know how to touch her body as well or better than she does. I am proving that I deserve to be in control and that she is in safe, capable hands. I am showing her that this experience will be unlike any other she’s had. A real spanking best exemplifies the things I’m capable of and places both of us in the proper frame of mind to continue on to even deeper layers of sexuality and control.
More than once I have heard women say “I feel so safe” after I towered above them, wrapped my long fingers around their windpipes, pulled their hair, watched them melt and taken what I wanted. I am sure this is a function of my size (enormous), and the calm I have built up to buffet myself from the winds which whip around us in our daily lives. Today there is very little which affects me negatively on a personal level and it is difficult to annoy, bother or anger me, however this was not always the case. When I was a younger man I was easily riled, to the point that I hated myself for my inability to control my own emotions. I was raised by a poor role model for self control, as my Father was incapable of restraint and his emotional insecurity inevitably bled into my own mindstate, coloring every interaction I had with the world around me.
In my late teens and early twenties I tore at my body viciously in an attempt to escape my lack of self control and self hatred. I wanted to kill them, and with it I would have been willing to kill myself. Not with suicide attempts but instead with alcohol, self loathing and self destruction. Yet despite taking a scalpel to the gifts I had been given, I was not successful in destroying the things I cherished deep inside, no matter how hard I tried. As I began to realize what I was doing, I gradually and painfully taught myself to love purely by slowly accepting and learning to love myself. Incrementally I shed the pain that had been given to me and realized that I was able to define my own reality, however difficult that might be. I stepped away from my conception of self and recast myself from victim to protagonist, realizing that ownership over my life would be the only thing to set me free. And I grew.
I quit drinking at the age of 25 while I was living and teaching English in Northern France in a run down former coal mining town of 5,000 people. Stuck in a ten by ten room I allowed the waves of insanity to wash over me as the alcohol slowly released its clutches on my brain. Hallucinations roiled in my mind and I ate dozens of bags of gummy bears to replace the sugar my body no longer received from drink. I emerged a marginally better person, with the seed having been planted that I could in fact grow and change. I realized I could become the man I wanted to be if only I worked hard enough at digging myself out of the detritus that I had heaped upon myself (and which had been heaped upon me). I could shed that which was unwanted and cleave the parts of myself which were unnecessary in order to become a better human being and a better man. I wept at the damage I had done to my body, my self, my psyche. I wept at the gifts I had attempted to steal from myself, and that which had been stolen from me. Then I pushed forward, making the mistakes we all make as we grow. Hurting myself in other ways, watching my unhealthy impulses lead me to unhealthy conclusions. The pain was real, but so was my growth.
Through it all something drew me to the idea that I would find the truth. I would become a better man and define myself in ways most do not. Gradually, I have. I am not a perfect man and am not interested in becoming one. Nor am I fully formed. However, I have lived many lives at this tender age and have seen realities that pushed me to the brink of sanity, all of which have made me more pragmatic, introspective, empathetic and intuitive than most.
It is for these reasons that I love the push and pull of D/s. I am not driven to teach strangers the ways to control their impulses or to grow as human beings, however for me sex and intimacy are inextricably linked to self growth and power, so I love sharing them with women who excite me. Pain, sex and intimacy are ways for us to truly feel, so leading a woman to her limits and watching her honestly feel the truth is exciting for me.
All this is to say that I will lead you to the edge and watch you drink from the well because I believe that pain can be transformative and that there is beauty within the pain. This does not mean that I am sadistic or need to watch you break. I simply want to see your truth and to know that you are willing to fight to live fully, yet just as important is the feeling of safety and intimacy that you will feel once the storm has passed and the calm has returned.
There is wetness between your legs. It drips from your lips and rivulets dash down the soft flesh of your inner thighs to the sheets below. I breathe in your scent- all of your scents- and push the tips of my long fingers into your opening, the skin bright and neon pink for all the world to see. Your opening flowers and I am inside you now, feeling you rock against me as I cradle your body and coax you to become one with me, to give all of yourself to my touch so that I can possess you once again. The moans and gurgles escaping your lips wash over both of us- orifices clenching while your brain flits between lust and devotion, trust and abuse, remembering how you lied when I teased that you were ready for Me to spread you open, wide smile on my lips. Eyes locked together, I stroke you deeply and recall the painting L’Origine du Monde by Courbet. You are less hirsute but no less powerful, however your power is now Mine.
My long fingers constrict your windpipe
Teeth gnaw on your bottom lip
Blood rushes to the flesh of your ass
Handprints brighten, skin throbs
The fingers of my other hand force you open and you are full
Moans escape you involuntarily
your eyes hungry with lust tinged with uncertainty
Trust coupled with fear
I position you repeatedly, your hole opens for Me
Skin slick with sweat
Hands grip you tightly
The marks my fingers leave on your body last for days
Welts are raised, bruises pool to remind you of what you are for Me
Finally you are complete
I consume you
Naked, you tremble
Shuddering, you beg Me to allow you release
I pound your hole and listen to you whimper
When I have had my fill I accede
you are flooded
Crumpling, you curl into yourself
I stroke your hair
I pulled my fingers from between your legs and your walls slid together sharply as you gasped, feeling empty inside as your hips continued to buck. My digits pushed between your lips and wiped your juices on your tongue as you clamped down on them, lapping up the viscous fluid and moaning loudly.
“This is Mine. I will fuck you whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want. All three of your holes belong to Me. Do you understand Me?” you moan through my fingers and I ask you directly: “Who do you belong to?”
“I belong to You, Sir.”
“Yes, you do. Get on your knees.”
Tears crested her eyelids and slid over the smooth flesh of her cheekbones. First when her nerves overcame her upon recognition that I would follow through on my promises. A second time while I spanked her firm ass with my large hands until she begged me to stop. Lastly while I gagged her with My Dick while telling her that she looked beautiful.
She had dreamed of being “put in her place” and said that the men she normally dated were the submissive type. It was clear why they were chosen and why they were drawn to her. Her diffidence didn’t prevent her from employing a wit some might consider caustic or intimidating. While engaging in pointed repartee may prove one’s brain functions, it confuses the many who do not see through the act. On this night her body shook, then trembled and her mouth fell silent as I slid my hands up her blouse to pinch her nipples, then down her skirt to expose her need. She was slick, her eyelids fluttered and she wasn’t capable of looking me in the eye unless I took her chin in my hands and looked through her. When I did I saw freedom; by releasing her from the complex mental bondage that we build for ourselves piece by piece I allowed her to live her deepest desires.
She came from my hands, soaking herself and quivering. This was unlike her. And when I sat her between my legs and made her beg to suck My Dick, she disclosed that it had been a year since she had. She was enthusiastic and I showed her what I wanted as I filled her throat and felt it convulse around me. We fucked; she came again. My hands roamed her flesh and felt her taut stomach press against Me as I held her to my chest and spanked her until I heard her beg. Finally I put her on her knees and she begged again, this time to swallow my come. Afterwards we lay together and laughed as she attempted to dignify herself, but I will always first remember the night she belonged to me.